Die hard...I just read my last post and I'm an ass...men are men and I need to stop reading into every little tidbit...this man is so not the same as the last and I need to remember that...is he male? oh hell yes and thankfully so. More of a man than the ex - a true gentleman - but still male and human. But I also must remind myself that this one listens and understands and talks. He's worried he's putting too much on me - he says I need a break from his work and must concentrate on my own. My response? - I'm fine on my work - in a very good place actually - or I wouldn't ask if he needed any help. If there's something he needs I'd like to get it done before the semester starts - easier for me to do it now than later.
Bottom line is we both work our asses off, miss spending alot of time together, want better than we have so we must bust our asses now or get crunched later. At least we're on the same page - that is a good thing.
Oh yeah...I bought a weed wacker today...a Stihl...nice..... it destroys weeds and brush...i like power tools....

Current Mood: hopeful

My life has been the proverbial rollercoaster for a very long while. While the ride has been at the least enlightening, it has been for small moments in time, quite enjoyable. This last year and a half has been the most bumpy ride at times. There were periods of dark tunnels, slow crawls up hills, breath-stealing drops, stomach dropping loops and whirls and abrupt sudden stops.
I find myself questioning everything in the aftermath of my 40th year on this planet. While the day was better than previous, thankfully so, I still find myself giving more than receiving. Yes this can be a good trait, but at what cost. Do I love the man in my life right now? Yes, more than I've ever loved another. He understands me better than most. He knows somethings not right at this moment, but doesn't know what...Maybe I still suffer from the "he should be able to read my mind" syndrome. Maybe I'm just second-guessing myself, afraid that I'll fall for the same traps as with the last relationship. Hopefully this isn't so. I do tend to give more of myself than I should and demand little in return. A bad but refreshing habit of mine I guess. I guess I'll just have to see where this ride ends and not jump the gun and want to get off the ride during a bumpy section.....

1. Circumstantial evidence may not be valid evidence for purposes of charging one with a crime, but can lead to the proper suspect.
2. However, an abundance of circumstantial evidence, that offers proof beyond a shadow of a doubt, can lead to a finding of guilt.
3. In addition to previous circumstantial evidence that continues to appear:
a. returning home between the hours of 4:30 and 6:00 at least once per weekend
b. suspect stating that he drank too much, but did not smell like alcohol. Instead suspect smelled of perfume

3. Applicability of junk science to current situation:
All I need to say is that a woman knows to follow her gut.

4. Suspect did make a valid confession regarding alleged activities. Trial suspended until further notice.

Yeah!!!!


http://www.blogadorn.com/graphics/happybunny

Vix this one reminds me of you! You really should have this on a t-shirt!

Current Mood: bouncy

I think the hubby has been captured by aliens...again...but I don't think they're sending him back this time.  The change over him in the last few months has been unprecedented.  He has been absolutely wonderful with the kids, and since his return from training has been extremely attentive.  Both verbally and physically.  
We shall see what the future holds.  I'm doing my best to let go of the past and not worry about it.  There is nothing I can do to change anything he has done, and in the end, I really can't influence his future.  I can be a total bitch or the most attentive and understanding spouse, but his decisions are truly up to him.  All I can do is be who I am and hope for the best.
If I have a complaint, I'll voice it.  I'm not going to sacrifice myself or the kids just to keep him here.  But when he's here, I want HIM here.  If that makes any sense.  He has to start speaking up as well, but there's no need for cruelty.  If we make each other angry so be it, we are human (as much as I hate to admit that I am).  With humanity comes real emotions that must be acknowledged and felt.  Not feeling is something that so many get wrapped up in, and something that children are taught to ignore.  But that, along with our capacity to reason, is what makes us human, what separates us from other species.
Yes, some animals can reason.  A+B=C.  But our higher functions coupled with the endless variety of emotions that we can experience that aren't attached to satisfying basic needs is what makes us human. This is something that children are taught to repress, unless they're "good" feelings.  "Don't cry" "you're not allowed to be mad"  "you shouldn't be sad" "how can you possibly be bored"  These are all things that adults say to children.  Let them cry if they feel pain, that cut hurts...we know that.  We get angry, sometimes on a daily basis, so why can't they?  If they aren't allowed to be angry how can they learn to effectively deal with it?  Sadness is a part of life, a dog lies, they loose a game, they can be sad and they need to be to learn that it doesn't last forever.  And let them be bored.  Boredom leads to great ideas and imagination.  We expect them to be spoon-fed 24 hours a day, tell them what to think or do or feel or eat.  How are they to think for themselves or come up with new games or ways of accomplishing tasks? 
Great ideas come from boredom, from allowing children's minds to run free.

Current Mood: contemplative

Awakenings
Not knowing who I am
I wander aimlessly down pathways I shouldn’t tread
Searching for life, but finding only existence
In what I am not
Existence is all there is
Seeking happiness in ways that will not fulfill
I drown in despair, not knowing where to turn
My mind explodes
Pain and frustration overloading my senses
I fall deeper into the well
Hands gently try to life me up
I fight and scream and cry with rage
Holding on to the false security I have found
Fearing to see the truth that is me
Realization comes slowly
I drift through days numb and blind
I fight pain and joy
I do not love or hate
I feel nothing
Stuck inside my mind trying to see me
As others see me
Trying to overcome the lie I have become
Something keeps me from falling further
Into the darkness that I have found
I stop fighting
I let the pain and suffering overcome me
I cry for what I have forgotten
What I have not seen, what I have lost
I begin to see me for I truly am
Part of me fights
I hold onto the truth, I deny falsity
I rise from my dark place into the unknown
Not knowing what I will find
Fear is replaced by hope
Lies are replaced by truth
I feel rage and joy and love
I cherish those who stood beside me
Those who held me up and would not let me fall
I see me as they see me
I love myself as they love me
I believe in myself as they believe in me
I let go of pain, of fear, of the past
I feel
I love
I live

Anonymous

Current Mood: contemplative

First off...Yearly greetings....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SISTER!!!!

Secondly, strange happenings...something wonderful this way comes???
I month or so ago I was asked to review a manuscript, $150 honorarium. Cool...Yesterday the company advised me that they've decided to decline publishing the book - no market. Fine, these things happen. Not a problem. Well, 15 minutes ago I get another email from a different publisher asking me to review a book on the same subject (maybe the same manuscript?) for an honorarium of.....$300!!!! Hell yes! Bring it on!! was my response. (It was of course a bit more professional than that;)) I may have to construct a website advertising my various services...I am now self-employed...probably a good idea.

Lastly, Where's that black cat??? Lucky 13???
Whenever the proverbial black cat (not my little baby of course) crosses my path, it brings me good luck. I'm backwards like that. Well a month or so ago, I had the little stinkers running in front of me constantly. Lucky I didn't squish one. Yesterday, the hubby got one. Monday was our 13th wedding anniversary. Good year maybe??

That's all of the brain spewage for now...

Current Mood: amused

This is one of the most beautiful and poignant pieces of writing in existence in the English language...And one that too few read and understand. The Vixen and I were discussing this last night and I thought I'd post it.

The Declaration of Independence of the Thirteen Colonies
In CONGRESS, July 4, 1776

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. —Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain [George III] is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

I think that at times the government and the governed forget the true meaning and intention of this document.

Current Mood: contemplative

Find me on MySpace and be my friend!

"Did you have a happy childhood?" is a false question. As a child I did not know what happiness was, and whether I was happy or not. I was too busy being.
Alistair Reid

Current Mood: contemplative